25w5d - 14w1d to go (Part 2)

I just came across this article, which really struck a chord with me. So much focus is placed on motherhood, that we forget that fathers are parents too, sometimes - so much so that when we see fathers being attentive, we call them "babysitters".

I Am Not A Baby Sitter
J. Scott Wilson , Staff Writer

POSTED: 11:30 am EST February 17, 2008
UPDATED: 11:11 pm EST February 18, 2008
First off, a big thanks to all of you who so kindly shared music recommendations with me after last week's column. Thanks to all of you, I've now blown nearly $100 on iTunes and have notified all my friends that gift cards to the service are the present of choice for my birthday next month.

And now, to this week's entry ...

From Webster's: baby-sit: To care for a child, usually during a short absence of the parents

Last week, we had one of those rare February days here in western North Carolina. The sky was an azure blue so deep you felt you could dive into it, and the temperature hit 60 by noon and coasted comfortably to 67 by 3 p.m. I very quickly finished up my housework and lit out for day care as if my tail was on fire to fetch my sons.

Having secured them in my Explorer, we headed for the playground. Cooper, being only 4 months old, stayed in his car seat and batted at his jingly toys while parked on a bench while his big brother Alex mounted an assault on the swings, ladders and slides. I orbited back and forth between the boys, pushing Alex on the swings and making faces and singing songs to Cooper. I was lost in a sort of happy dad world.

A suburban matron with a couple of kids of her own walked up and sat on a bench, telling her children to "Go play and let Mommy sit here and rest." I recognized the kids as ones who were in the same day care as my boys, and greeted the mother. She smiled at me and said, "So, you're baby-sitting today?"

"Nope, these are my kids," I replied.

"But you're baby-sitting while their mother is working, aren't you?"

"No, I'm playing with my sons at the playground," I replied, starting to feel a bit annoyed.

"Well, that's sweet to see you spending time with them. It's good that you give their mother a break."

And therein, friends, lies the issue that brings us together today. My better half is a fantastic mother. She has boundless compassion, a wealth of knowledge and a sixth sense for when one of the boys is starting to get ill that is nearly frightening in its accuracy.

She works full time, as I do. However, my job affords me the ability to work from home, and thus I am the one who more often than not picks the boys up from day care when they're sick, makes dinner and performs the daily house chores like cleaning the kitchen, bathrooms, etc. that keep the house running. We take turns doing baths and bedtime/storytime, and generally work to our strengths to keep ourselves and our boys happy and healthy.

I relish spending time with my sons. I actually look forward to the occasional weekend day when their mom works and I get to have them solo all day. These are those critical bonding years when their minds are sponges and their emotional structures are still being built, and I want to be a big part of that.

And, yes, I've done the 2 a.m. feedings, changed massively soiled diapers that required federal help to dispose of and bounced colicky babies for hours at a time.

And yet I still run across people, predominantly women like the one at the playground, whose attitude is that I am "baby-sitting," just taking care of my boys until their mother can come and tend to them properly. The implication that I am somehow either inadequate or incompetent as a full-time caregiver is just about the most insulting I've ever encountered. How dare you, Ms. Matron, assume that because I didn't give birth to these boys that I am somehow unable to care for them properly?

I understand, of course, that there are a lot of fathers out there who aren't as involved as they should be in their kids' lives. But the same is true for a lot of mothers, as well. Fathers are the only ones who get hit with the blanket assumption that they are somehow inadequate or unable to properly care for their children, however, simply because of their gender.

Did anyone ever ask Britney Spears if she was "baby-sitting" her kids when she had them rattling around in her car unsecured? I think the state of North Carolina would have something to say were my parenting skills not at least as good as hers.

There, I've gone and broken one of my own ironclad rules. I've mentioned Britney in one of my columns. I need to calm down a bit, I think. Maybe Alex wants to play a game of Candy Land.

So there's my rant. What's yours? Let me know!

From Wesh.com

So, next time you see a dad playing with his kids, remember, he's not just a babysitter - he's invested in those kids, too.