I spent a little bit of time this evening catching up on reading a parenting message board that I used to visit frequently. I had been away from it for a bit, catching up on school work and work-work (and neglecting this blog, too!). I wasn't surprised to see some controversy break out on the discussion board about the number of children the Duggars are having. Yes, Michelle is having baby number 19!
One topic that really struck a nerve with me was one mom's suggestion that having only one child is selfish. It struck a nerve with me because I'm still not certain that I will ever be able to have another child...nor am I 100% certain that I want another at this point. I talk about having another, but when I look at the reality of it for us from a financial standpoint -- another daycare bill when we're already struggling to pay the bills we have now -- and from a physical standpoint -- considering the complications I had with my pregnancy with Angelica and how long it took for us to get pregnant with her, and let's face it, by the time I'm ready to get pregnant again, I'd likely be hearing the words "advanced maternal age" -- it just seems like a pipe dream. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love children. I've loved being Angelica's mom for the past fifteen months, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat with a second child. But I don't think it would be selfish if ultimately we chose not to have another.
On the one hand, I want Angelica to grow up with a sibling she can relate to, and have a sibling to grow old with so that when SuperScott and I have passed on, she won't be without familiarity. She's got her cousins, but nothing is quite like having a brother or sister. On the other hand, nothing guarantees that siblings will have a good relationship. My sister and I fought like cats and dogs until we were both a few years into adulthood. She and I are best friends now, but there's not guarantees that all siblings can form this kind of relationship. That's always the one argument I can see for really trying to make ends meet so that we can have another child.
At the same time, though, I don't think anyone should feel obligated to have more children than they want or more than they can reasonably support. I think those considerations are important and if they result in deciding to be "one and done", I'm all for it. Every family is different, and the number of children a couple has is an extremely personal decision. For me, personally, it's not that I don't have enough room in my heart for another. It's a financial and physical consideration, and right now, those signs point to no.
So, when I think about Michelle Duggar being pregnant with number 19...is it unheard of to have this many children? Yes. Do the parents want this baby and have the means to support him or her? Yes. So why judge? I say good for them. It's a shocking number to hear, and I know I could never do it. But if they can, they should.
Of course, since they do have a national TV show, hopefully they are aware that this opens their family up to criticism...:)
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