Today I got an email titled "Seven Reasons Why Babies Cry" and in my true sarcastic fashion, the first thought I had was, "I could probably give you 700 reasons why babies cry!" Especially mine, who cries when she's tired, hungry, dirty, hurt, the moon isn't aligned properly, you take a piece of lint that she picked off the floor out of her mouth, she really wants that DVD she took out of the DVD player and WAAH YOU'RE A MEAN MOMMY FOR TAKING IT AWAY...among other reasons.
Then it dawned on me. 9 months ago, I would have read this email and bawled my eyes out...along with my wailing newborn. I brought Angelica home and the first few days my only thoughts were WHY IS THIS BABY CRYING?????? and HELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELP.
I think this may be why second borns are more...laid back? Because their moms have already gone through this insanity.
I guess I've evolved quite a bit as a mother since those early days.
Also, Angelica has developed a love for soft things. I had a super soft blanket on the floor tonight and she kept crawling onto it, squealing with joy, and rolling around like mad on it.
Showing posts with label mommy moment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mommy moment. Show all posts
March 10, 2009
January 14, 2009
Mommy Moment #5
My little girl is growing up.
I had to make a run to Target this afternoon to pick up baby wash and diaper cream, and while I was there, I skimmed through the baby clothing section, since they just got in their new variety.
I got a hint of this same thing last weekend when shopping for some clothes for her, but I thought it was just that we were in a smaller store...but no...
She has outgrown an entire section of store.
I went to the baby section, looking at all the cute footie sleepers and lo and behold, they don't make them in the 9-12 month size.
The cute outfits that they just got in the baby section, also don't come in the 9-12 month size.
That's when the above realization hit me. It hit home even further when I went through the baby food/baby items section to get the necessities I'd come for, and realized how much of that we'll never need to buy for her again. No more bottles (she'll be moving to sippy cups soon enough). No pacifiers (she never used them anyway). No little jingly toys (they don't hold her interest anymore).
My baby girl is growing up. I'm not ready to be the mom of a toddler yet!
In thinking about this, I realized that it may be time, sooner or later, for this blog to come to an end. And I'm thinking her first birthday might be the right time. I originally started this to keep family up to date on the pregnancy and on her early days, but I think keeping this blog would be more self-serving than beneficial to anyone else. Especially since I've now started my website (www.theroadtome.com).
So that's just my current thinking. I think, even if this blog does come to an end when she turns 1, I'll save the pages so she can go back and read about her time in my tummy, and her first few months in this crazy, crazy world.
I had to make a run to Target this afternoon to pick up baby wash and diaper cream, and while I was there, I skimmed through the baby clothing section, since they just got in their new variety.
I got a hint of this same thing last weekend when shopping for some clothes for her, but I thought it was just that we were in a smaller store...but no...
She has outgrown an entire section of store.
I went to the baby section, looking at all the cute footie sleepers and lo and behold, they don't make them in the 9-12 month size.
The cute outfits that they just got in the baby section, also don't come in the 9-12 month size.
That's when the above realization hit me. It hit home even further when I went through the baby food/baby items section to get the necessities I'd come for, and realized how much of that we'll never need to buy for her again. No more bottles (she'll be moving to sippy cups soon enough). No pacifiers (she never used them anyway). No little jingly toys (they don't hold her interest anymore).
My baby girl is growing up. I'm not ready to be the mom of a toddler yet!
In thinking about this, I realized that it may be time, sooner or later, for this blog to come to an end. And I'm thinking her first birthday might be the right time. I originally started this to keep family up to date on the pregnancy and on her early days, but I think keeping this blog would be more self-serving than beneficial to anyone else. Especially since I've now started my website (www.theroadtome.com).
So that's just my current thinking. I think, even if this blog does come to an end when she turns 1, I'll save the pages so she can go back and read about her time in my tummy, and her first few months in this crazy, crazy world.
December 4, 2008
Mommy Moment #4/Angelica's 6 month checkup
15 pounds, 7 ounces, and 26 1/2 inches of pure spitfire. Still 50th percentile in weight and head size, but 80th in height. Tall, skinny, with a normal-sized head. She's perfect!
She screamed through her shots, as usual. She's been to the pediatrician so much in the past couple of months that she knows it's going to be a bad time the minute we walk in the door, so she was angry before it even began. But, when it was all over, she went to daycare and had a great time, acting like her normal self.
I was reflecting this evening on the past six months as I packed up the remainder of her now too-small clothes in the 3-6 month size. (always a tough milestone for me, it means she's growing up). I remember her being only a few days old, and asking questions about this and that...everyone told me "It gets easier at 6 weeks." Six weeks!?, I thought...I couldn't grasp the concept of her being six weeks old. especially being as sleep deprived as I was, with a colicky baby! And now here she is, 6 months.
I had a dream last night that I was talking to a pregnant friend (Hi Cara!) and telling her that when her baby is a newborn, she is going to be so overwhelmed by how much he's going to need to be held...and how much she's going to want to put him down! I know that's how I felt when Angelica was still teeny tiny and very needy. Now that she's bigger, she's not cuddly at all and I MISS those days so much. Between the time I spend away from her at work and her new-found abilities (crawling, pulling up to standing, etc) there's not much cuddling to be had. Part of me would give anything to go back to the zero to six weeks phase, where all I did was snuggle my baby.
Truth be told, though, so far every stage has been precious and wonderful, especially in hindsight (I've found as a parent, I tend to look at the past with rose-colored glasses). Her first cry, her first smile, her first laugh, her first crawl, her first time sitting up...the first time she reached for a toy...the first time she reached for me...I feel lucky that I haven't missed any of these things, even though I am a working mom. I'm lonely a lot for the early days when I was with her 24/7, but even now the time we spend is so precious, and I know I'm doing her the benefit of being a good role model (meaning, showing her that women can have it all...careers, family...they just have to work extra hard to balance it all!) But I would give anything to have one more day to just pick her little 8 pound body up and bring her to bed and snuggle.
So I take the moments as they come and try to be as present in those moments as I can. Babies grow so fast; once they've moved on from a stage, you can never go back. Every stage is a challenge, but is also completely wonderful and fulfilling to experience. So wonderful that sometimes I contemplate what it'd be like to do it all over again (and then I slap myself in the face and return to reality)!
Until you actually have a baby, though, there is no possible way to fully understand this.
She screamed through her shots, as usual. She's been to the pediatrician so much in the past couple of months that she knows it's going to be a bad time the minute we walk in the door, so she was angry before it even began. But, when it was all over, she went to daycare and had a great time, acting like her normal self.
I was reflecting this evening on the past six months as I packed up the remainder of her now too-small clothes in the 3-6 month size. (always a tough milestone for me, it means she's growing up). I remember her being only a few days old, and asking questions about this and that...everyone told me "It gets easier at 6 weeks." Six weeks!?, I thought...I couldn't grasp the concept of her being six weeks old. especially being as sleep deprived as I was, with a colicky baby! And now here she is, 6 months.
I had a dream last night that I was talking to a pregnant friend (Hi Cara!) and telling her that when her baby is a newborn, she is going to be so overwhelmed by how much he's going to need to be held...and how much she's going to want to put him down! I know that's how I felt when Angelica was still teeny tiny and very needy. Now that she's bigger, she's not cuddly at all and I MISS those days so much. Between the time I spend away from her at work and her new-found abilities (crawling, pulling up to standing, etc) there's not much cuddling to be had. Part of me would give anything to go back to the zero to six weeks phase, where all I did was snuggle my baby.
Truth be told, though, so far every stage has been precious and wonderful, especially in hindsight (I've found as a parent, I tend to look at the past with rose-colored glasses). Her first cry, her first smile, her first laugh, her first crawl, her first time sitting up...the first time she reached for a toy...the first time she reached for me...I feel lucky that I haven't missed any of these things, even though I am a working mom. I'm lonely a lot for the early days when I was with her 24/7, but even now the time we spend is so precious, and I know I'm doing her the benefit of being a good role model (meaning, showing her that women can have it all...careers, family...they just have to work extra hard to balance it all!) But I would give anything to have one more day to just pick her little 8 pound body up and bring her to bed and snuggle.
So I take the moments as they come and try to be as present in those moments as I can. Babies grow so fast; once they've moved on from a stage, you can never go back. Every stage is a challenge, but is also completely wonderful and fulfilling to experience. So wonderful that sometimes I contemplate what it'd be like to do it all over again (and then I slap myself in the face and return to reality)!
Until you actually have a baby, though, there is no possible way to fully understand this.
November 8, 2008
Mommy Moment #3
This one is going to be titled, 7 things I'd do differently if we had a second child.
#1 - Warning, this may be flameworthy for some. I was gung-ho about breastfeeding this time around. Unfortunately, Angelica was never able to properly latch on, so I switched to almost exclusive pumping/bottle feeding. Every time I fed her formula, I'd cry and cry over what a failure I felt I was and how much better she deserved. Thinking back on it now, the pumping took so much valuable time away from her during the early weeks...she was eating about once every 90 minutes, so it a cycle of feed (20 minutes), pump (20 minutes), clean and sterilize pump parts (15 minutes), rest 20 minutes (notice that totals about 80 minutes). I kept this up for three months, but my supply didn't keep up with her demand and we wound up supplementing. The day I quit was the best day I'd had up until that point. If I had to do it all over again, I'd formula feed from the start.
#2 - I'd take a longer maternity leave. This time, we weren't prepared for the fact that my short-term disability stopped paying after 4 weeks (and that was with having a c/section!). I had 3 weeks of sick/vacation time banked, so all I got was 7 weeks...4 of which were at 60% pay. If we ever had a second child, I'd know better and have a lot more saved so that I could take the full 7 weeks to be home.
#3 - I'd take more video. I have three or four videos from Angelica's early days but as she grows and changes I wish I had more to look back on. I remember sitting with her in the early days thinking to myself, "Make sure you remember this" and just trying so hard to take it all in. In spite of this, I don't remember all that much. I guess that's part sleep deprivation and part nature.
#4 - I'd take better care of myself during pregnancy. The end of my pregnancy was HARD. I wasn't in good shape before getting pregnant, then things got out of hand with my blood pressure during pregnancy (which I still haven't recovered from), which put us both in jeopardy. If we were to ever have a second baby, I'd make sure to keep the weight gain in check and stay active.
#5 - I'd co-sleep. I so wish that I'd had one of those Arms Reach co-sleepers so that I could have her with me all the time. I was so opposed to co-sleeping before she was here, and now that she sleeps in her own bed every night, I miss her. We kept her in our room until about 3 months and then moved her to her own bed and it's sad.I can't just get up and peek at her, or bring her to bed when I get lonely for her anymore.
#6 - I'd read a lot less and listen a lot more. I tried so hard to expect things to be "by the book" and things to happen like they happened with my friends children and my nephew. Then colic hit. Then I realized that she is just a sensitive child. Then she started hitting milestones early but sleeping less (yes, we're still having sleep issues). Once I stopped "expecting" things to go one way and just start appreciating the events as they unfolded, I felt a lot better. Now I just use the book as a general reference...so I know when to really worry, like if she were to fall behind.
#7 - I'd worry less. I lost so much sleep for the first three months of her life in a frantic frenzy over SIDS...much the same way that I was frantic my entire first trimester over the possibility of miscarriage. The worries were unfounded. I did everything right. And she's still alive, and thriving.
Maybe I'll add more to this list later :)
#1 - Warning, this may be flameworthy for some. I was gung-ho about breastfeeding this time around. Unfortunately, Angelica was never able to properly latch on, so I switched to almost exclusive pumping/bottle feeding. Every time I fed her formula, I'd cry and cry over what a failure I felt I was and how much better she deserved. Thinking back on it now, the pumping took so much valuable time away from her during the early weeks...she was eating about once every 90 minutes, so it a cycle of feed (20 minutes), pump (20 minutes), clean and sterilize pump parts (15 minutes), rest 20 minutes (notice that totals about 80 minutes). I kept this up for three months, but my supply didn't keep up with her demand and we wound up supplementing. The day I quit was the best day I'd had up until that point. If I had to do it all over again, I'd formula feed from the start.
#2 - I'd take a longer maternity leave. This time, we weren't prepared for the fact that my short-term disability stopped paying after 4 weeks (and that was with having a c/section!). I had 3 weeks of sick/vacation time banked, so all I got was 7 weeks...4 of which were at 60% pay. If we ever had a second child, I'd know better and have a lot more saved so that I could take the full 7 weeks to be home.
#3 - I'd take more video. I have three or four videos from Angelica's early days but as she grows and changes I wish I had more to look back on. I remember sitting with her in the early days thinking to myself, "Make sure you remember this" and just trying so hard to take it all in. In spite of this, I don't remember all that much. I guess that's part sleep deprivation and part nature.
#4 - I'd take better care of myself during pregnancy. The end of my pregnancy was HARD. I wasn't in good shape before getting pregnant, then things got out of hand with my blood pressure during pregnancy (which I still haven't recovered from), which put us both in jeopardy. If we were to ever have a second baby, I'd make sure to keep the weight gain in check and stay active.
#5 - I'd co-sleep. I so wish that I'd had one of those Arms Reach co-sleepers so that I could have her with me all the time. I was so opposed to co-sleeping before she was here, and now that she sleeps in her own bed every night, I miss her. We kept her in our room until about 3 months and then moved her to her own bed and it's sad.I can't just get up and peek at her, or bring her to bed when I get lonely for her anymore.
#6 - I'd read a lot less and listen a lot more. I tried so hard to expect things to be "by the book" and things to happen like they happened with my friends children and my nephew. Then colic hit. Then I realized that she is just a sensitive child. Then she started hitting milestones early but sleeping less (yes, we're still having sleep issues). Once I stopped "expecting" things to go one way and just start appreciating the events as they unfolded, I felt a lot better. Now I just use the book as a general reference...so I know when to really worry, like if she were to fall behind.
#7 - I'd worry less. I lost so much sleep for the first three months of her life in a frantic frenzy over SIDS...much the same way that I was frantic my entire first trimester over the possibility of miscarriage. The worries were unfounded. I did everything right. And she's still alive, and thriving.
Maybe I'll add more to this list later :)
October 24, 2008
Mommy Moment #2
In my more naive days, though I knew financially it wouldn't be possible, I always saw myself staying at home with my kids. Fast forward to almost five months postpartum (can you believe it?) and I'm a full-time work outside the home mom.
I never even thought about how hard it was going to be...emotions aside (yes, I still cry some days when I drop the little one off at daycare, even though she loves it there), the actual physical necessity to BE at work is difficult. And yet we muddle through. (The emotional aspect is very difficult thing for me. I'm very emotional, especially when it comes to relationships, so being away from her is a very sad thing for me.)
Take today for example...last night was my night to get up with the baby, who has decided that sleep is for wussies and now wakes up almost every night. Here's how the night went:
10:30 p.m. - Feel a migraine coming on. Go to sleep.
2:30 a.m. - Baby wakes up. Feed, rock, cuddle baby. Still have migraine.
3:15 a.m. - Put baby in crib
3:16 a.m. - Baby starts screaming again
3:17 a.m. - Take baby out to lay on sofa...attempt to lay down with her. No such luck. Screaming intensifies.
3:25 a.m. - Walking the floor with screaming baby. Every time my butt hits a flat surface, she screams again. Walking is the only thing that helps.
3:35 a.m. - Baby is asleep. Put in crib, grab baby monitor, head for bed...second hand hits bedroom doorknob, baby starts crying. Go pick baby up.
3:45 a.m. - Baby is finally asleep again. Sit down in rocking chair to make sure she is really asleep.
3:55 a.m. - Baby is really asleep. Look over my left shoulder. See roach crawling up wall. (Anyone who knows me knows that roaches=panic attacks.) I start panicking.
4 a.m. - Put baby in crib, run for shoe and bug spray. Kill roach.
4:05 a.m. - Panic over bug spray fumes in baby's room. Fan the door while fending off four curious cats who want to get in the room (and crib, and closet, and baby's hamper).
4:15 a.m. - Finally satisfied that bug spray smell is gone. Notice baby is still sleeping but sounds congested. Fill up humidifier, add camphor, turn on, head for bed.
5 a.m. - In bed, still awake, worried about more roaches in baby's room? Will the humidifier drag them out? Will one of them end up in the crib? Decide I'm too tired to panic anymore. Fall asleep.
5:30 a.m. - Baby wakes up again. Are you kidding me? Hubby gets up this time (what a sweetheart). Baby falls back asleep before he gets to her room. (Lucky).
6:00 a.m. - Baby wakes up for good. Hubby gets up again (what a saint).
7 a.m. - Alarm goes off for work. Still have migraine, but no point in staying home to "rest it out".
9 (ish) - Arrive at work.
So now I operate on a combination of brute force and caffeine. It's hard to be "here" and really "be here" when there is so much on your mind and you're so sleep deprived, but you I do it out of necessity (and the fact that I do enjoy my job).
(For anyone who is wondering WHY my almost 5 month old is still waking up at night...I think it's teething, though I've been saying that since she was 2 1/2 months. But she was fiercely chewing on her hands, her toys, etc and drooling like mad.)
But it's all worth it. My daughter will learn from me that she can balance work and family and be successful at both. Maybe one day she'll see me become self-employed (which I have dreamed of doing for awhile now). And what makes it even more worth it is to come home and see the huge grin she gives me, and to watch her hitting those milestones way ahead of the mark (she's on the verge of crawling...and if you don't believe me, I will post a video of it as soon as I can)!
I miss her (even right now) but we live for the nights and weekends.
I never even thought about how hard it was going to be...emotions aside (yes, I still cry some days when I drop the little one off at daycare, even though she loves it there), the actual physical necessity to BE at work is difficult. And yet we muddle through. (The emotional aspect is very difficult thing for me. I'm very emotional, especially when it comes to relationships, so being away from her is a very sad thing for me.)
Take today for example...last night was my night to get up with the baby, who has decided that sleep is for wussies and now wakes up almost every night. Here's how the night went:
10:30 p.m. - Feel a migraine coming on. Go to sleep.
2:30 a.m. - Baby wakes up. Feed, rock, cuddle baby. Still have migraine.
3:15 a.m. - Put baby in crib
3:16 a.m. - Baby starts screaming again
3:17 a.m. - Take baby out to lay on sofa...attempt to lay down with her. No such luck. Screaming intensifies.
3:25 a.m. - Walking the floor with screaming baby. Every time my butt hits a flat surface, she screams again. Walking is the only thing that helps.
3:35 a.m. - Baby is asleep. Put in crib, grab baby monitor, head for bed...second hand hits bedroom doorknob, baby starts crying. Go pick baby up.
3:45 a.m. - Baby is finally asleep again. Sit down in rocking chair to make sure she is really asleep.
3:55 a.m. - Baby is really asleep. Look over my left shoulder. See roach crawling up wall. (Anyone who knows me knows that roaches=panic attacks.) I start panicking.
4 a.m. - Put baby in crib, run for shoe and bug spray. Kill roach.
4:05 a.m. - Panic over bug spray fumes in baby's room. Fan the door while fending off four curious cats who want to get in the room (and crib, and closet, and baby's hamper).
4:15 a.m. - Finally satisfied that bug spray smell is gone. Notice baby is still sleeping but sounds congested. Fill up humidifier, add camphor, turn on, head for bed.
5 a.m. - In bed, still awake, worried about more roaches in baby's room? Will the humidifier drag them out? Will one of them end up in the crib? Decide I'm too tired to panic anymore. Fall asleep.
5:30 a.m. - Baby wakes up again. Are you kidding me? Hubby gets up this time (what a sweetheart). Baby falls back asleep before he gets to her room. (Lucky).
6:00 a.m. - Baby wakes up for good. Hubby gets up again (what a saint).
7 a.m. - Alarm goes off for work. Still have migraine, but no point in staying home to "rest it out".
9 (ish) - Arrive at work.
So now I operate on a combination of brute force and caffeine. It's hard to be "here" and really "be here" when there is so much on your mind and you're so sleep deprived, but you I do it out of necessity (and the fact that I do enjoy my job).
(For anyone who is wondering WHY my almost 5 month old is still waking up at night...I think it's teething, though I've been saying that since she was 2 1/2 months. But she was fiercely chewing on her hands, her toys, etc and drooling like mad.)
But it's all worth it. My daughter will learn from me that she can balance work and family and be successful at both. Maybe one day she'll see me become self-employed (which I have dreamed of doing for awhile now). And what makes it even more worth it is to come home and see the huge grin she gives me, and to watch her hitting those milestones way ahead of the mark (she's on the verge of crawling...and if you don't believe me, I will post a video of it as soon as I can)!
I miss her (even right now) but we live for the nights and weekends.
October 16, 2008
Mommy Moment #1
Mommy moments are a new segment I'll be writing periodically. A "mommy moment" is a moment where something happens that truly makes me feel like someone's mommy.
Today, as I was driving my daughter to daycare before heading to work, we listneed listening to her favorite nursery rhymes on my iPod...I recently downloaded the Baby Genius nursery rhymes album from iTunes, and hadn't really given it much thought in my usual morning fog. (Angelica's going through a phase where she's starting to wake up once a night again...both mommy and daddy are exhausted as a result!)
But this morning, I had gotten a little more sleep than usual and as we were driving into daycare, I realized not only was I listening to nursery rhymes...on my iPod...nursery rhymes which I had purchased, on purpose, from iTunes...I was singing along without even thinking about it...and not just singing, but truly enjoying it!
This coming from a girl who five years ago had a motto about music...something about the louder and edgier it was, the better...I was a true punk rocker "back in the day" and though I'm a few years removed from that now, this driving along, singing along to nursery rhymes definitely hit me as a "mommy moment".
Because, really, unless you're under the age of seven, or a mom, who else would find listening to nursery rhymes in the car fun?
Today, as I was driving my daughter to daycare before heading to work, we listneed listening to her favorite nursery rhymes on my iPod...I recently downloaded the Baby Genius nursery rhymes album from iTunes, and hadn't really given it much thought in my usual morning fog. (Angelica's going through a phase where she's starting to wake up once a night again...both mommy and daddy are exhausted as a result!)
But this morning, I had gotten a little more sleep than usual and as we were driving into daycare, I realized not only was I listening to nursery rhymes...on my iPod...nursery rhymes which I had purchased, on purpose, from iTunes...I was singing along without even thinking about it...and not just singing, but truly enjoying it!
This coming from a girl who five years ago had a motto about music...something about the louder and edgier it was, the better...I was a true punk rocker "back in the day" and though I'm a few years removed from that now, this driving along, singing along to nursery rhymes definitely hit me as a "mommy moment".
Because, really, unless you're under the age of seven, or a mom, who else would find listening to nursery rhymes in the car fun?
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